do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
