meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
