Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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