There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
