i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
