I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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