i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize