We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
