don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
