just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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