think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
