i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
