Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
