'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
