I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize