she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I AM VODKA MAN
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
