I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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