I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
