last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
