Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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