So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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