Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
