I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
