I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
