just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
