So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
