In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
