woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize