i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
