Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
