i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
