My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
