the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
