She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Im part way to drunk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
