This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
