she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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