I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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