its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
