Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
