New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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