i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
