I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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