I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i out mim tonsoeep
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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