We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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