you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
