dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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