Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
