if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize