WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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