Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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