Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
