this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
