But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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