he shaved USA in his pubs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
