I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
