Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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