I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
