Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
