You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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