so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
