I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
