I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize