I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
