Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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