I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
