She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
