Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am available for nakedness
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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